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Written by Valerie Kwek
Dear Punctuation,
You and I have been seeing each other a lot lately, especially with all the emails, text messages and essays I have to deal with every day. As a person who takes great care of my words and actions, sometimes I can spend a ridiculous amount of time crafting my reply to a simple email. But even more so than words, I constantly worry about you.
Take the exclamation point, for example. By definition, these are used for emphasizing a point or expressing great emotion. But every time I write an email, I find that I use them everywhere — normally not for their intended purpose. When writing, I face a dilemma. Should I put an exclamation at the beginning to come across as a cheerful person? In the middle, to not seem demanding when I get to the real topic of my email? Or at the end, to finish off on a positive note? Of course, I cannot use exclamation marks everywhere in emails (for fear of coming across as overbearing) — but where do I put them?
Ask any other females, and they will probably recount their own experiences of the same problems with you in their communication as well. According to a 2006 study conducted by Carol Waseleski, females use exclamation marks about three times more than their male counterparts in an attempt to appear enthusiastic and friendly. I can’t blame them — I suffer from the same issue as well.
As a female, I always feel the need to appear enthusiastic and appreciative, and this obsessive desire to portray that personality turns into exclamations and smiley face emojis that floods my correspondence. I fear that without the impression of appearing as an eager and humble person, I will be seen as someone who is incapable and unapproachable. While people talk about global feminist movements, I feel silly as I struggle to get rid of my own feminine stereotypes in a relatively simple issue of communication. To be frank, this constant worry of being perceived as cold has become exhausting as I struggle to be as accommodating as people expect me to be.
Is this struggle worth it, though? Solely just because I am a woman does not mean that it is my responsibility to make sure that you, my punctuation, please the recipient of my messages. Being direct and sending that one line text without any unnecessary punctuation does not imply that I am being rude—just efficient. Like adding color to a black and white painting, you distract my audience from my true purpose in writing. While I still want to maintain a polite and friendly persona in my emails, I am not required to sacrifice my dignity through an excessive use of punctuation to appear that way.
By no means will I just ignore you in my writing, but I am now more wary of our relationship. If ever questioning or feeling pressured to include some emoji or exclamation, I will just send it off before second thoughts pop into my head. I should not feel pressured to put you in my writing unless I want to. Like this!!
Sincerely,
A former female victim of punctuation